I Have Found

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This is the show I've been working on this month, and I'm really excited for people to see it. It's a very minimal workshop of the material, so the writers can see their work on its feet with changes that they've made. I'd love it if people could make it out. Feel free to message for more details.

*K

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One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

- Elizabeth Bishop
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I love love this poem. I first read it last year in my English 201 class, and it's stuck with me ever since. I'm familiar with themes of denial and hiding and pretending, I think we all are. Because the truth is, losing sucks - only no one wants to admit it.

*K

For a while, we consistently had our Christmases in CT with my grandparents. (My mom's parents.) Until I was 8 or 9, I want to say... but it's hard to be sure. 

I remember my grandpa driving us all out to big snowy places with lots of big trees, and it was our job to pick one and cut it down. I remember it being really exciting. 

When I was younger, one of my favorite books was called 'The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree'. My mom would read it to me every Christmas, and sometimes just at night before going to bed. So I remember running around in the snow looking for the perfect tree. "On top of the rocky craig." 

We would set it up in the living room of my grandparents' house... star on top.

That's about all I remember.

*K

:-D (Rose, please use this prompt today LOL)
My perfect wedding dress is ever evolving in my mind... but it's all based on being strapless and fitted on top, and all flowy like once it gets to the hips.
So, something very similar to this one right here. (Which may or may not be a dress I found on Etsy that's in my favorites. I mean... what?)
I think that's the basic design I'm almost always leaning towards, though I'm not opposed to a halter either. But I like it flowing out from the hips to... well... hide my hips. lol

Bridesmaids dresses are tough. I'm not sure I necessarily want a theme at my wedding. I'm not sure I'm really a theme type of person, though it's hard to say. My instinct is to let the bridesmaids search for their own dresses, something that reflects their own personalities, and we can narrow things down from there. Since I want to get married on a mountain (seriously. Cadillac Mountain.) I think it'd be best for everything to feel really grounded to each person involved. But I'm sure things will develop from that starting point. I know I really want to collaborate with everyone involved. (Off the top of my head? Bridesmaids are Rose, Mariah, Noelle, Ashley, and Ashton. Anthony is the maid of honor, obviously.)

<---- Or I'll just make them all wear this and like it! (This came up in an actual search for bridesmaid dresses. Holy crap.)

Anyway, I mean, I really haven't thought about it all that much.

...

*K

(This has been a weirdly rough day, which is why this is coming so late and will probably be short. Anyway, carry on.)

My goals for the coming year are as follows:
- Graduate
- Nail my senior showcase
- Find a great place to move
- Sell half of me and Mike's stuff
- Save money (which will hopefully come from graduation presents) to buy stuff for new apartment
- Go to London
- Get a job, between $10 - $12 an hour
- Find a voice teacher and acting classes I can afford after getting on my feet and saving money.
- Audition my ass off
- Be happy

That's the basic stuff, I'm sure I'll think of more. I'm mostly just psyched as hell to graduate and start my freakin life.

This was kind of lame, I know, but today has been kind of lame.

*K

This is from back in December where my sketch comedy group, Think Pound, participated in The Dirtiest Sketch Contest at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. We revised a sketch we had already to make it dirtier. I think we succeeded. ;-)

(This was at midnight after I'd already done 2 shows of Carousel. So I was pretty tired. And that's also why my hair is curly.)

Think the video is funny?

Check out Think Pound stuff:
YouTube
Myspace
Twitter
And tell your friends!

*K

That is the most brilliant question in the world. A question that I have no problem answering a million and a half times.

(I just want to make note here that I stopped mid entry to read reviews of "Guys & Dolls". Which say something. ;-) )

I don't remember a time in my life where I wasn't singing and acting. I did my first play in kindergarten as a mermaid. I sang with my Grandpa when I was 7. I did community theater all throughout elementary school, taking musical theatre classes, auditioning in school, and I started voice lessons when I was 9 years old. There has never been anything else I wanted to do, or really anything else I was as good at.

But the question here is why. Why am I going to be graduating in May with a BFA in Musical Theatre? Why am I practically committing myself to struggling to pay rent in NYC?

For my entire life, the only remedy for feeling upset or angry or anything other than content has been to sing. Quietly, loudly, in my head, by myself, with people around me. It's the only thing that can put me at ease almost instantly. I have specific songs for specific moods. I have playlists designed very carefully. Music is my number one healing tool, and it's always gone hand in hand with acting. I cannot sing a song without acting it, as silly as that sounds. I can't just sing the notes. Even if it's a Kelly Clarkson song at karaoke, it doesn't matter. The text and the music are always crafted to mean something with each other, and my mind just instantly goes: "How can I not honor that?"

It's obviously more than having no other skills. Though that is part of it. ;-) I could not possibly care any less about being famous. I think that the people who are doing this to become famous are doing it for the wrong reasons. This is just so deeply ingrained in who I am. I'm acting when I'm not acting - looking at monologues, using my acting journal to put all the energy somewhere. I've been thinking about Crossing Brooklyn months before rehearsals are even starting. There is nothing that can compare to doing the work and fleshing someone out and getting up on stage and being. It's not even about showing people what I can do, proving someone wrong. It's just about being.

I just want to be in theater. I don't care where, I don't care how. I want to be completely immersed in theatre my entire life. It doesn't matter if I need to work 3 other jobs to accomplish this. If I never get paid for it. Obviously that's the goal, but it's not the reason. It cannot be the reason. Do I have fantasies about coming out of the stagedoor at The Imperial to a crowd who wants to meet me? Of course. I'm human. But that is not the goal. It would merely be a perk. The goal is only to continue. And to be.

*K

I've been lucky enough to have so many amazing relationships in my life, it's hard to pick and choose. In no particular order whatsoever: Anthony, Mike, Greg, my grandpa, my Uncle Scott, Tim, Steve, Mariah, Rose, Zach, Max, Ashley, Ashton, Malaya, Tana, Erin, Taryn.

Anthony (just texted me, that was weird) is the best friend I've ever had... ever. And it still amazes me that he's stuck around this long. ;-P He was the reason I made it through all the crap that happened my senior year, and I'll be permanently in his debt. But uh... don't tell him that.

Mike, obviously, has changed my life completely in the past almost 2 years. I've said it all a million times, so you know by now. Mike = important. lol

As for family - my grandpa and my uncle are so insanely important to me. Losing my grandpa was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. And my uncle is just practically my counterpart.

Tim practically defined my whole high school existence. The end.

Mariah, Rose, Zach, Steve - the college gang - I don't know what I'd do without gift exchanges and video game playing and talking about nothing and yoga and classes and all of the above. I could write a novel about them individually, but there probably isn't enough time in the world.

Max was a dog, yes, I know, shut up. But my relationship with him was as important than all of these, and probably more important than a lot of other ones.

Ashley, Ashton, Malaya, Tana, Erin - aka the 'D.U.D.E.S' - and no, I will not be explaining that. This is a group of friends I will never ever lose, no matter how far apart we are or how little we even communicate on a daily basis. They'll still be there to reunite when we're all available, and to give support when one of us is going through something tough.

Taryn is the person I looked up to for half my life, even when I probably shouldn't have. But I miss her everyday.

There are so many other people that I can't even begin to name. But I'm a pretty lucky girl.

*K