I remember love

10 unforgettable moments in my life

This is going to be remarkably random and in no order whatsoever. Just as they come to me. Some are good and some are bad, but they all make up my life and who I am. So I appreciate all moments equally.

1. Becoming friends with Anthony. I'll never forget the way it happened. Sophomore year, I was 15. I gave him my AOL screen name after a voice lesson (he took piano from the same teacher.) because I thought he was cute. (No joke. Even then. I could post an embarrassing picture of him and Max - he knows the one I mean - to illustrate my point, but I'm not that mean. :-D) We talked online that night for 6+ hours. Our first real conversation was 6+ hours long. We were watching a marathon of MTV's hit show 'Undressed'. It was one of those things that stuck instantly. My life would be completely different had I not thought he was cute, despite the fact that I was dating Tim at the time. Whoops. ;-)

2. The day I found out my dad was HIV positive. It was late in August 2005. My parents had decided to get a divorce that past September, so he didn't come home from Maine that year. My friends had already gone off to college for the first time because FL school start earlier. I was still in my pajamas, on my computer, watching TV. My dad had been in the hospital for a few days by this point. My mom knocked on my door, told me what he was sick with. I had very little reaction, a very "Kerrie way" of handling things at the time. I remember e-mailing Anthony instantly because for the first time he wasn't in Cape Coral. I don't remember crying or feeling much of anything at first, it all took a while to sink in. It may still be sinking in, though he's doing really well and it's very much under control. In a way the divorce and the sickness sort of sparked the relationship I have with him now - which still isn't remarkably strong or easy, but it's a vast improvement from while I was growing up.

3. Moving to FL. I don't remember the move, what time of year we left, or even moving our stuff into the house. All I remember is my first day of school - we moved in the middle of my 2nd grade year. I remember my mom walking me to the classroom at Skyline Elementary, and being absolutely shocked at the amount of kids in the room and the amount of computers. After coming from Maine with 10 kids to a class and maybe 5 computers for the whole school, it was a bit jarring. ;-)

4. My first "leading role" in a play. 1st grade, still in Maine, we did a little kids musical called "Get Hoppin'". The teacher assigned roles by asking who wanted to play what. I remember waiting for her to say the name of Bunny Sue (yeah, I still remember), so I could raise my hand. I'd had the acting/singing bug for so long even at that point. I raised my hand first, got to be Bunny Sue, got to perform in the gym in front of all the parents and friends and was so completely hooked by everything. As a tag-a-long memory, I remember my mom making the bunny costume. That was a pain in the ass.

5. I'm going to compact a lot of little moments into one big one: SFOA. (Summer Festival of the Arts.) This was a 3 week summer program in Bar Harbor that I started the summer before 3rd grade, and continued to do until I was 16. It was an arts camp where I took poetry, music, acting, musical theater, dance, etc etc etc - anything you could possibly think of in the arts sphere. I met some of my closest friends in Maine, some of my biggest mentors as a singer and actress. My last two years I was an apprentice and assistant teacher. The year I stopped would have been my 10th consecutive year, and it still breaks my heart that I didn't hit that milestone.

6. Another series of moments is my 4 years in the Cypress Center for the Arts chorus. I miss my high school for that reason only. Some of the most fun I've ever had singing, alone and in a large group, in my whole life. Where I met my core group of school friends, where I learned all of my music theory knowledge and technique. My 2 years of doing All-State choir was some of the most fun I've ever had, and I do still miss it everyday.

7. Moving to New York. Probably the scariest thing I've ever done in my entire life. My mom and I flew up here a couple days before I had to move in. Saw Dirty Rotten Scoundrels the night before. I remember not being to sleep afterwards because I just couldn't wrap my mind around moving into this dorm room and not going back home. It was such a foreign concept to me. After moving in, I stayed in my room for almost 24 hours. I didn't eat. I was so completely petrified. I waited for Kadey to move in to even attempt human contact. And lest we forget me having to work up the courage to shower in the communal showers. It was totally exciting.

8. My first Broadway show. My mom and my friend Ashley and I took the train in from Connecticut when I was 14(a pit stop on the way to Maine that summer). We had no tickets, no clue what we wanted to see. I remember going to the box office of Chicago (which was still at the Shubert at this point.) We were somehow able to get front row rush seats. I remember putting my foot on the stage before the show started and being so overwealmed. The show was fantastic - and included Jennifer Holliday as Mama Morton, though I only knew her as the woman on Ally McBeal at the time.

9. My first date with Mike, obviously. Star Trek at his apartment deep in the heart of Brooklyn. He came up to where I was in Brooklyn Heights at 4pm. We'd planned to go pick up his computer at a Fed Ex center (because he'd missed the delivery), but then realized it was a Sunday and it was closed. So we headed to his place. He made steak and potatoes for dinner (which I now know is one of his favorite things, and he prides himself on his potatoes.) Watched Star Trek. I distinctly remember one of his roommates coming home, and when she asked if it was a date, he responded "I don't think so" after a really long pause. And I almost threw up. Obviously it either turned into a date, or he just didn't know how to respond. Because eventually I was scooching closer to him. And then he put his arm around me. And then he kissed me. And then we watched "Thank You for Smoking". And we kissed more. And it felt so completely right.

10. The first time Mike and I said the magic three words. This is a doozy of a moment, because we were having a fight/emotional conversation (what was then a monthly occurrence.) He asked me why I was with him. I covered my face with a pillow and said it. His response, which I will never forget, was "I might be crazy, but I think I love you too". I love this moment because it was so incredibly imperfect. It came out of something really stressful and bad, and maybe that made it even more special.

Well, that was fun! lol. Obviously there are other moments, maybe even more unforgettable than those, but I really just went with my instincts and didn't think to prioritize at all. Life is fun!


I never knew what love was

Define Love.


Can't I just write about loss again? No? Okay.

This is a difficult question. I'm not totally sure there is a definition of love. It's a whole bunch of feelings wrapped up together to produce sweating and nausea and smiling and different reactions for different people.

I think my favorite attempt at an explanation of love was Mike Birblglia - (this isn't exact) - he said that we all know that we have a secret special skill inside of us, but nobody else can see it. Falling in love is finding that person who can see our secret special skill. "Omg, you have a secret special skill!" "I KNOW! So do you!"

(AHA! Found his Secret Public Journal entry that talks about it - RIGHT HERE. His Secret Public Journal is great. Bookmark it. And go see his show Sleepwalk With Me. It's brilliant. I hope this free advertisement shows up on his google alerts. Anyway.)

For me, knowing I'm in love came with the sudden need to be with Mike all the time. And I knew that was special, because previously... I didn't want to be with anyone all the time. I was a pretty independent person who liked a lot of alone time. I sort of hate it now. I can't imagine spending my free time with anyone else. Even when he drives me nuts. Even when I'm in the worst mood. He's the only person I want to be with.

And I think that love bring a certain kind of freedom. A freedom to be yourself without pressure, a freedom to explore and find new things every day knowing that you have a net of unending support underneath you.

Having someone to talk to.
Having someone who understands everything.
Having someone to inspire you to keep striving, if only because they love you so much.
Someone who makes you feel not afraid.
Love is empowering,

Most of all, it's something that has to be defined by each individual person as their own. Because it is all our own emotion and experience.

Okay, that's all. :)


Twitter - hobby or lifestyle?

In a mere week or so, Twitter has gone from a silly thing I made snarky comments about, to the way I spend my days. Going to bed? I gotta Twitter about it. Eating a muffin? Twitter deserves to know. Doing absolutely nothing but wanting to seem like my life is exciting? Twitter understands.

Thus, I state this here and now, The Word of Kerrie is born. It is a word of showers and class schedules, movies and food musings. It may not seem powerful on the surface, but before you know it, you'll be wondering when my next bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat will be.

Follow @Kerrie09. And as I've advised a new follower, don't drink the punch. Yet.


Gifts of love

Are unexpected gifts better than expected ones? Should we do away with one or the other?

I actually don't think I prefer one over the other. Expected gifts are surprising in the sense that you don't what the gift itself will be. I do love unexpected gifts though - not knowing you're getting one, and also not knowing what it's going to.

Everyone who knows me knows I love the whole art of gift giving. There's nothing I hate more than figuring out what my gift is going to be or being told. It totally ruins the beauty of it.

I don't think there's much more to say one this. Obviously neither of these gift giving practices should be done away with. They're both amazing traditions that I love love love. There's nothing better than seeing the look on someone's face after a really great present - surprise or not. And of course, I love receiving as well. Especially when it's well thought out and meaningful. That only makes it better.

Phew. That was an easy one. ;-)

Are you happy with who you are? Why?

Man, the prompt gods aren't being easy on me, are they? This is going to be complicated.

I spoke briefly about this subject three weeks ago. It's a difficult thing to analyze, because being "happy" encompasses so many things. If I were to answer the question only in this very moment based on what I'm doing, my surroundings, and how I feel - then the answer would be yes. I woke up when I wanted to, I've accomplished what I've needed to do in a decent amount of time. I'm feeling healthy (for the first time in a little over a week), and I'm ready for the day. I'm happy with who I am in this moment and my outlook on life.

If I were to answer this question a few days ago after an emotional discussion/discovery/what have you with Mike, the answer would have been no. In that moment, that night, I'd never disliked myself more. Obviously, it was worked through and I felt better by morning. But what I'm trying to say is... the answer to this question is complicated.

But, I'll try to do the best I can. I have to step outside of myself and my life and look in objectively. I've come a long way in the last 4 years. Even in the last 2. Moving to New York was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. And I did it. And even more importantly, I survived, against a lot of opinions back home. Coming here I was petrified, shy, and unsure of absolutely everything. I still am today. But what makes 18 year old Kerrie different from 21 year old Kerrie is that I'm living life the best I can because I'm unsure, not in spite of it. That may only make sense to me, I'm not sure. I relish in being unsure of what's to come next. Like I've said previously, that's what makes life special and exciting - not being sure, not being complete.

I'm so happy with the changes I've made, even if I didn't want to make them at the time. I went through a lot of crap my first 2 years of college. I was really depressed because of a lot of situations I'd gotten myself into. I was lucky to have the support of my friends up here, and their trust and encouragement. And then I met Mike, and that's when things really turned around. I feel totally free to discover new things about myself, because I have him here to hold me up and to fall back on.

I think I'll forever be searching for the answer to this question. For a total contentedness with who I am. But I'm completely okay with that. So maybe that's the answer. It's kind of a weird paradox. I'm happy with not being content with who I am constantly. I think I like that.



We take a break from our regularly scheduled blogging to bring you this announcement.

Think Pound (appearing with Peer Pressure)

Sketch comedy from writers and performers who have seen:
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Saturday Night Live
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
The State
Kids in the Hall
Mr. Show with Bob and David
The Office

$10 plus 2 drinks
Friday, February 27th. 10pm sharp!
The City at The Broadway Comedy Club
318 West 53rd st (Between 8th and 9th avenues)
That's my sketch comedy group. We're funny. Come see us.


Since I'm doing this on every outlet possible, the time has come. I'm going to keep it short since no one really reads this anyway, and anyone who does has seen or heard my plea 20 other ways.

In short - I do the AIDS WALK every year. After my crazy surprise donation amount last year, I'm upping my goal and starting early.

Donate here: http://aidswalknewyork2009.kintera.org/kerriebond

I won't say much more on it now. I'll get desperate in a couple months. :)



So, I've really wanted to try and write in here everyday, more to just get this thing out there and see what people think. I came across a really neat tool online - The Imagination Prompt Generator.
As you can probably... uh... imagine... it gives a new prompt to write about. I figure it'd be a good start to getting a topic for the beginning of each day.

First prompt:
Write about the losses you've experienced.

So, that's a heavy start. I promised myself I wouldn't pick and choose topics and I'd go with the first I was given. So. Get ready for an upbeat morning! :)

My first experience with real loss was in the 7th grade. Our teacher Mr. Harley, and more importantly to me - our theater director - passed away from cancer around the middle of the year. I was never able to go to the funeral, and that always stuck with me. It was my first experience with death.

My second loss was Taryn. She didn't die, she's still very much alive somewhere. We grew up together as her family sort of mirrored our moving choices from Connecticut to Maine to Florida. She was the closest thing I've ever really had to a sister. She ran away when I was 13. Because her life sucked, her mom was crazy, and it had really only been a matter of time before something like that happened. I remember finding out and collapsing against a wall. I remember her mom making up stories about where she might be, but never actually knowing where she ended up. I didn't see her again until 2 years later, when she resurfaced down the street from us, only to disappear again. I remember inviting her over and trying to talk to her, but everything we shared -every connection that made our relationship special - was completely gone. I've seen her once since then only by happy circumstance. She was working at the Panera Bread my friends and I decided to visit on a whim last year. We exchanged numbers and nice words, but I think we both knew neither of us would call. She's experienced too much to go back to the way we were, and I totally accept that. But it is still one of my biggest losses.

The summer after my freshman year of college, my grandpa died. He had a heart attack in June. I left my vacation with Anthony's family in Virginia early to fly to Connecticut to be with him and my family when he had bypass surgery. He came out of surgery with things looking really promising. He was in the hospital for a month and a half, only to pass away there on August 1st, 2006. It is still the most devestating thing to happen to me and my family. We were really close, had been my entire life. We sang together with his band when I was 7 (John Denver's "Country Roads", a song I still can't listen to). He was part of my passion for music and art, and losing him was so profound. It's been almost 3 years now, which is so hard to believe. My grandma is settled with a new boyfriend, and I'm totally positive my grandpa brought them together. I wish so much, more than anything, that he'd been able to meet Mike. I just want my grandpa to know I'm happy and in good hands. I'm sure he knows. I still miss him as if it happened yesterday.

And as those who know me well know, the most recent loss is Max. My beautiful, amazing golden retriever wonder dog from home. He was 10 years old. I wasn't home at the time. It was near Thanksgiving. He'd been sick for a week or so, and one morning at the vet my mom knew it was time. I regret not being there and not seeing him one last time so much. He'd spent his entire life with us, from just 3 weeks old. What was amazing about losing Max was the support I got from everyone around me. My core group of friends in Florida practically grew up with him as well, and were all equally affected by his death. Just 5 months before he died, I threw him a 10th birthday party - black and white themed - with a cake and doggie cookies and presents from friends. It sounds silly, but he was important to all of us. I think it's something I'll never get over, and it's something I'm dreading having to go through ever again.

So, that was fun. Hopefully I'll get a happier prompt tomorrow... ;-)

Wii Fit time!


I want to try doing this at the beginning of every week, if for nothing else than to give me motivation to take more pictures. This one was taken on Saturday (2/21) in Union Square.


This is maybe the first year of all my Oscar watching years that I haven't went to bed pissed off by the Academy. I didn't agree with all of the awards, but the majority of them seemed to be aimed at pleasing ME. So... here we go.
(I left out pretty much all the technical awards after realizing last night that I know nothing about them when Mike and I couldn't figure out the difference between Sound Editing and Sound Mixing.)

First off, I thought Huge Jackman was divine. (Seems like a weird word to use when describing Wolverine.) The opening number was hysterical - one of the best the Oscars has ever had. The musical montage in the middle of the ceremony was cute, but I really could have done without Beyonce. Does she have to be involved in everything? I may have walked out of the room when she appeared... ;-)

My only Hugh complaint is they seemed to forget he was hosting halfway through the ceremony. He must have taken a nap backstage.

Anyway, awards time. (Winners in red. Comments in blue.)

Adapted screenplay
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Screenplay by Eric Roth. Screen story by Eric Roth and Robin Swicord
"Doubt" Written by John Patrick Shanley
"Frost/Nixon" Screenplay by Peter Morgan
"The Reader" Screenplay by David Hare
"Slumdog Millionaire" Screenplay by Simon Beaufoy

- It's hard for me to judge adapted screenplay having never read any of the source materials - so I can't really say how well anything was adapted. However, the screenplay for The Reader was gorgeous, and I was obviously pulling for that. This was barely the beginning of the Slumdog Sweep.


Original screenplay

"Frozen River" Written by Courtney Hunt
"Happy-Go-Lucky" Written by Mike Leigh
"In Bruges" Written by Martin McDonagh
"Milk" Written by Dustin Lance Black
"WALL-E" Written by Andrew Stanton

- I had been hoping for a McDonagh win to upset "WALL-E". For some reason it never occurred to me that they'd award "Milk". I loved "In Bruges" and would have been thrilled to see it win... but was incredibly moved by Black's win and speech. Well deserved.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Alexandre Desplat
"Defiance" James Newton Howard
"Milk" Danny Elfman
"Slumdog Millionaire" A.R. Rahman
"WALL-E" Thomas Newman

- A.R. Rahman's music made the movie, and this and the next win are wins that I called and totally agree with. Maybe just because I love Indian music, but it was fantastic.


Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)

"Down to Earth" from "WALL-E" Music by Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman
Lyric by Peter Gabriel
"Jai Ho" from "Slumdog Millionaire" Music by A.R. Rahman
Lyric by Gulzar
"O Saya" from "Slumdog Millionaire" Music and Lyric by A.R. Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam

- See above comments. :-) Oh, and also, great performance medley.

Achievement in directing
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" David Fincher
"Frost/Nixon" Ron Howard
"Milk" Gus Van Sant
"The Reader" Stephen Daldry
"Slumdog Millionaire" Danny Boyle

- Anyone who knows me knows I love Danny Boyle's work and always have. I'm happy that he's finally getting recognition. I am, however, unhappy that it's for this movie. I have very conflicting feelings. Not that this wasn't completely expected. Would have loved to see Stephen Daldry get his recognition for great movie making as well.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

Amy Adams in "Doubt"
Penélope Cruz in "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
Viola Davis in "Doubt"
Taraji P. Henson in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Marisa Tomei in "The Wrestler"

- Yes! I actually think I would have been happy with any of these women winning. It was a great year for acting. But Penelope Cruz was unforgettable, and I was overjoyed for her.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

Josh Brolin in "Milk"
Robert Downey Jr. in "Tropic Thunder"
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Doubt"
Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight"
Michael Shannon in "Revolutionary Road"

- Obviously no shock here, but also deserved. I teared up when his family came up to accept the award. His performance was so haunting, and I'm happy to see that it will be remembered. So sad. :(

Performance by an actress in a leading role

Anne Hathaway in "Rachel Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie in "Changeling"
Melissa Leo in "Frozen River"
Meryl Streep in "Doubt"
Kate Winslet in "The Reader"

- I burst into tears underneath a blanket. This has been a long time coming. To have been nominated 5 previous times for always outstanding work, it was such a relief to see her finally take it home. She gave two out of this world performances this year in "Revolutionary Road" and "The Reader". I'm happy to see her win for the latter, my favorite movie of the year. Maybe the most moving performance I've ever seen on screen. Her speech was beautiful, and I'm so so so so happy.

Performance by an actor in a leading role

Richard Jenkins in "The Visitor"
Frank Langella in "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn in "Milk"
Brad Pitt in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler"

- WHAAAAT?! I wanted it but never expected it, with the "triumphant return" of Mickey Rourke and all. I saw "The Wrestler" and I saw "Milk". Rourke was fantastic, and it wouldn't have been a total crime had he won. But Sean Penn became Harvey Milk in every single way, and I still think about his performance today. So happy that he won... great speech, too. Loved the comment about how he makes it hard to appreciate him sometimes. :)

Best animated feature film of the year
"Kung Fu Panda"

- Not sure what else to say but... duh. :)

Best motion picture of the year
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"The Reader"
"Slumdog Millionaire"

- I would have been more ticked off had I not been rejoicing so heavily for Kate and Sean. "Slumdog Millionaire" was a very, very good movie. Totally solid. But it didn't make me feel the way the "Benjamin Button" did. It didn't make me think the way "Frost/Nixon" and "The Reader" did, and it sure as hell didn't make me weep the way "Milk" did. It was a great feel good indie movie that deserves the reviews, but not the awards. It was not the best movie of the year. Oh well. Like I've been saying, the Academy sure as hell loves the little indie that could.

Hah. Okay, that's the end of that. If anyone bothered to read... thanks. ;-) 'Twas fun. Guess I should do something with my day now!


Oscar Heaven

I need to get to bed, so I'll elaborate more on my Oscar thoughts tomorrow - but I could not be happier about Kate Winslet, Sean Penn, Penelope Cruz, and Heath Ledger. It was a good night and a great freakin' year for acting. I cried many tears of joy during the broadcast tonight.

And, also -

1.Rachel Getting Married - 1/13
2.Revolutionary Road - 1/15
3.The Reader - 1/16
4.Slumdog Millionaire - 1/16
5.The Wrestler - 1/20
6.The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - 2/22
7.Frost/Nixon - 2/20
8.Last Chance Harvey 1/23
10.Vicky Cristina Barcelona - 1/19
11.Changeling - 1/17
12. Gran Torino

More later.


Long awaited movie update...

Updated list:

1.Rachel Getting Married - 1/13
2.Revolutionary Road - 1/15
3.The Reader - 1/16
4.Slumdog Millionaire - 1/16
5.The Wrestler - 1/20
6.The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
7.Frost/Nixon - 2/20
8.Last Chance Harvey 1/23
10.Vicky Cristina Barcelona - 1/19
11.Changeling - 1/17
12. Gran Torino

Frost/Nixon was amazing. Frank Langella and Michael Sheen are brilliant. It also made me realize just how little I know about the Nixon presidency. I should probably read up on that. Not much else to do.

The count is 24 hours and 53 minutes until Mike is scheduled to land in NYC. Sleeping last night pretty unsuccessful. Not sure I got much more than 5 hours. Tonight should be easier since I've made the adjustment. That is if I don't watch another movie on a fabulous website that I don't want to give the link to here, but will if asked. :)

That's about all. I miss Mike.

So here's the thing. Mike left for Colorado tonight. He'll be back late Saturday night. I'm going absolutely crazy. He hasn't even been gone for a day. It feels weird being in this room without him. This is the first time I've been here alone since he moved in... and we haven't been apart since June or something. This probably sounds super lame. But I miss him, dammit!

Going to do all I can to keep myself occupied until 11:59pm on Saturday night. Class all day tomorrow, then a Think Pound show. Saturday day will be filled with thrift store shennanigans and then Nunsense at night, and then just a short wait until he's back. So I can do that, right?

I think the hardest part is going to be sleeping in this giant bed alone. I didn't realize it was giant until right now. It's giant.

Remember when I used to be completely independent? Jeeze. What the hell happened?


Valentine's Day was really lovely. I was at school from 1-5 for Strawhat Audition prep stuff. Though I wasn't needed that entire time, Mike told me to stay. I got home, he'd scattered rose petals up to our room - where it was totally clean, with roses hanging everywhere. And he did the laundry. (This is important because there mountain of laundry was... mountainous.) And he'd set up a little table in the corner with candles and roses (see picture), and cooked tuna steaks for dinner. (My favorite.) It was really nice and quaint, and a little warm due to the candles, but it didn't matter. We exchanged presents - he really liked the book I put together (What I Love About You - 90 pages of questions about why I love him. All filled out. And pictures and mementos and the cheesy things that we both love.) And his present was taking me to Will Ferrell's show. Which, admittedly, I'd already guessed. But it was great anyway. :-D The show was really funny, and we were first at the stagedoor afterwards, which guaranteed a signature and (I was hoping) a picture. Now, having dedicated almost the entire summer of '05 to watch Anchorman repeatedly, this was a long time in the making. He was really nice, though rushed along by the stagedoor guy. He took a picture, signed my playbill (and someone's dollar bill), and I was a happy girl. :-D

So, Valentine's Day was a success. I still don't love the holiday and I still pretty much think it's crap, but I can't lie - it's nice to have someone to spend it with. So I'm not quite as jaded anymore. Not... quite. :)


Time has come today!

Luckily my brand new camera was shipped from Jersey... so it got here pretty quickly. :-D I love it. I've been playing with it a little, posted some random pictures on facebook. I'll post the ones I really like here. The picture quality is so freaking good for the price - it caught all the smudges on my mirror! Look at that!

My day today started out with some Wii Fit and then a nice cold shower... not by choice. :-\ So it was the quickest shower of my life. I was all gross and sweaty, so I had to do it. It wasn't pleasant.

Starting back at the Writing Center today. I was supposed to start yesterday, but went uptown to record a small demo for a new musical. It was me and 5 other Pace students. We just helped lay down the chorus parts, and I got to record a small demo. It was in some guy's apartment, but was a lot of fun. The writers wanted to record a few of the songs to send off to festivals - mainly NYMF - to get their show picked up. It was really cool. I'd never recorded anything before - aside from stuff on my laptop. :)

This weekend is Valentine's Day. No clue what is being planned - I told Mike it's his turn this year, since I did the surprise Eddie Izzard thing last year. I have to be at school from 1-6 for Strawhat prep, which totally blows. But at least it's during the day I guess. I need to finish up Mike's present. Nothing huge this year, but something I think he'll enjoy.

Okay that's all for now. Pictures to come, I promise!



I bought a new camera today, perhaps against all better judgement in the entire world. But I'm sick of my little camera. It's a really great camera for taking pictures of friends and such, but I take pictures too often to be dealing with it. I'm going to sell it, though I really can't ask for much more than $80 for it, since it's a year and a half old.

Anyway, when my new splendid camera arrives (don't worry, this was under $200) I'm going to start taking pictures the instant I feel compelled, and I'll post them here. I've always liked pictures. So why not? More creative energy to fill that quota.

In other new, we got a Wii Fit today!! Can't wait to start playing tomorrow morning. Yay fun fitness.

Forever Incomplete

One day I'll find relief.
I'll be arrived
And I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends
One day I'll be at peace
I�ll be enlightened
And I'll be married with children and maybe adopt
One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds Forge the end of tragic comedy
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
One day my mind will retreat
And I'll know god
And I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure
Like the women I see on their 30th anniversaries
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done
One day I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and whole
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

- Incomplete. Alanis Moriessette.

This song is beautiful. It's so true, and I feel like it's everything I've been trying to communicate recently about life in general. The rapture of being incomplete. I was speaking about this recently, about why I love life and why I think it's all so worth it - even through all of the bullshit. Because it doesn't need to be planned out, it doesn't need to even be expected. It's surprising, and exciting, and that's what makes it so much fun to live. Finding your own way. Finding your own person. Not knowing who you are the minute you come into this world, or even ever. Because it's just... discovering it. Over and over and over again. Never being a complete definition of a person in most people's eyes. It's good. It's how it should be. I don't want to live a second without the discovery. I don't want to know the plan of my life, whatever it should be. I want to find it myself. I even want to feel empty sometimes. Because there's the knowledge that something will fill that void, and something else will fill another void, and that the gaps in ourselves are only part of growing and moving on.

I wasn't open to all of this before. This is actually a recent development in the way I think about life and myself and what I want the rest of my life to be. I think it spawned from... well, being somewhat content. And having the time to think about who I am, instead of always being scared of it. I'm comfortable with my surroundings, and with the incredible people in my life. Knowing they won't be judging or arguing and I'm completely free to explore.

That's a jumbled mess. But man I love this song.

When I Google image searched 'incomplete', this is the image I got. Fitting, no?

My mom was cool enough to get 2 tickets for myself and Rose to a preview screening of He's Just Not that Into You through Health magazine last night. I've never seen so many girls in one movie theater in my entire life. (I didn't see The Notebook in theaters. So that would be why.)

I'm excited to say that it was really... really good. I'm a sucker for romantic comedies, we all know that. But I can still point out a dud when I see it. (i.e. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days...) I expected HJNTIY to be cute. I didn't expect it to be so good. The individual story lines are all really interesting - even the smallest ones. I like the way everyone was linked together, and I really liked the way everything was tied up in the end. And not all of them were tied up into a perfect little package. AND I even liked Ben Affleck in it. So... that's really weird. But a sign of good writing!

So you know who is totally talented, beautiful, and charming?
This guy right here. --------------------------------->>
He's like a real live grown-up now. (And more than just the kid in the Mac commercials.) He's really good in HJNTIY. And really hot. I'm just saying.

Anyway. The moral of this post is... go see the movie when it's released on Friday. It's not even just a date movie. It'll make you feel awesome about life even if you're not with someone. The end.


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