I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
2.25.2009 by Kerrie
Are you happy with who you are? Why?
Man, the prompt gods aren't being easy on me, are they? This is going to be complicated.
I spoke briefly about this subject three weeks ago. It's a difficult thing to analyze, because being "happy" encompasses so many things. If I were to answer the question only in this very moment based on what I'm doing, my surroundings, and how I feel - then the answer would be yes. I woke up when I wanted to, I've accomplished what I've needed to do in a decent amount of time. I'm feeling healthy (for the first time in a little over a week), and I'm ready for the day. I'm happy with who I am in this moment and my outlook on life.
If I were to answer this question a few days ago after an emotional discussion/discovery/what have you with Mike, the answer would have been no. In that moment, that night, I'd never disliked myself more. Obviously, it was worked through and I felt better by morning. But what I'm trying to say is... the answer to this question is complicated.
But, I'll try to do the best I can. I have to step outside of myself and my life and look in objectively. I've come a long way in the last 4 years. Even in the last 2. Moving to New York was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. And I did it. And even more importantly, I survived, against a lot of opinions back home. Coming here I was petrified, shy, and unsure of absolutely everything. I still am today. But what makes 18 year old Kerrie different from 21 year old Kerrie is that I'm living life the best I can because I'm unsure, not in spite of it. That may only make sense to me, I'm not sure. I relish in being unsure of what's to come next. Like I've said previously, that's what makes life special and exciting - not being sure, not being complete.
I'm so happy with the changes I've made, even if I didn't want to make them at the time. I went through a lot of crap my first 2 years of college. I was really depressed because of a lot of situations I'd gotten myself into. I was lucky to have the support of my friends up here, and their trust and encouragement. And then I met Mike, and that's when things really turned around. I feel totally free to discover new things about myself, because I have him here to hold me up and to fall back on.
I think I'll forever be searching for the answer to this question. For a total contentedness with who I am. But I'm completely okay with that. So maybe that's the answer. It's kind of a weird paradox. I'm happy with not being content with who I am constantly. I think I like that.
*K
I spoke briefly about this subject three weeks ago. It's a difficult thing to analyze, because being "happy" encompasses so many things. If I were to answer the question only in this very moment based on what I'm doing, my surroundings, and how I feel - then the answer would be yes. I woke up when I wanted to, I've accomplished what I've needed to do in a decent amount of time. I'm feeling healthy (for the first time in a little over a week), and I'm ready for the day. I'm happy with who I am in this moment and my outlook on life.
If I were to answer this question a few days ago after an emotional discussion/discovery/what have you with Mike, the answer would have been no. In that moment, that night, I'd never disliked myself more. Obviously, it was worked through and I felt better by morning. But what I'm trying to say is... the answer to this question is complicated.
But, I'll try to do the best I can. I have to step outside of myself and my life and look in objectively. I've come a long way in the last 4 years. Even in the last 2. Moving to New York was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. And I did it. And even more importantly, I survived, against a lot of opinions back home. Coming here I was petrified, shy, and unsure of absolutely everything. I still am today. But what makes 18 year old Kerrie different from 21 year old Kerrie is that I'm living life the best I can because I'm unsure, not in spite of it. That may only make sense to me, I'm not sure. I relish in being unsure of what's to come next. Like I've said previously, that's what makes life special and exciting - not being sure, not being complete.
I'm so happy with the changes I've made, even if I didn't want to make them at the time. I went through a lot of crap my first 2 years of college. I was really depressed because of a lot of situations I'd gotten myself into. I was lucky to have the support of my friends up here, and their trust and encouragement. And then I met Mike, and that's when things really turned around. I feel totally free to discover new things about myself, because I have him here to hold me up and to fall back on.
I think I'll forever be searching for the answer to this question. For a total contentedness with who I am. But I'm completely okay with that. So maybe that's the answer. It's kind of a weird paradox. I'm happy with not being content with who I am constantly. I think I like that.
*K
Great post! You're a beautiful person Kerrie, and I'm glad that you're in an overall happy-ish state, because that's really all that any of us can hope for anyway. :)
Btw... apparently it's IE that won't let me comment on your blog, because I just posted this in about 2 seconds from Google Chrome.
IE I hate youuuuu!!!!!