Are you happy with who you are? Why?

Man, the prompt gods aren't being easy on me, are they? This is going to be complicated.

I spoke briefly about this subject three weeks ago. It's a difficult thing to analyze, because being "happy" encompasses so many things. If I were to answer the question only in this very moment based on what I'm doing, my surroundings, and how I feel - then the answer would be yes. I woke up when I wanted to, I've accomplished what I've needed to do in a decent amount of time. I'm feeling healthy (for the first time in a little over a week), and I'm ready for the day. I'm happy with who I am in this moment and my outlook on life.

If I were to answer this question a few days ago after an emotional discussion/discovery/what have you with Mike, the answer would have been no. In that moment, that night, I'd never disliked myself more. Obviously, it was worked through and I felt better by morning. But what I'm trying to say is... the answer to this question is complicated.

But, I'll try to do the best I can. I have to step outside of myself and my life and look in objectively. I've come a long way in the last 4 years. Even in the last 2. Moving to New York was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. And I did it. And even more importantly, I survived, against a lot of opinions back home. Coming here I was petrified, shy, and unsure of absolutely everything. I still am today. But what makes 18 year old Kerrie different from 21 year old Kerrie is that I'm living life the best I can because I'm unsure, not in spite of it. That may only make sense to me, I'm not sure. I relish in being unsure of what's to come next. Like I've said previously, that's what makes life special and exciting - not being sure, not being complete.

I'm so happy with the changes I've made, even if I didn't want to make them at the time. I went through a lot of crap my first 2 years of college. I was really depressed because of a lot of situations I'd gotten myself into. I was lucky to have the support of my friends up here, and their trust and encouragement. And then I met Mike, and that's when things really turned around. I feel totally free to discover new things about myself, because I have him here to hold me up and to fall back on.

I think I'll forever be searching for the answer to this question. For a total contentedness with who I am. But I'm completely okay with that. So maybe that's the answer. It's kind of a weird paradox. I'm happy with not being content with who I am constantly. I think I like that.



    Great post! You're a beautiful person Kerrie, and I'm glad that you're in an overall happy-ish state, because that's really all that any of us can hope for anyway. :)


    Btw... apparently it's IE that won't let me comment on your blog, because I just posted this in about 2 seconds from Google Chrome.

    IE I hate youuuuu!!!!!


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